I had my 30 week appointment yesterday with Dr. Schutte. I hadn't seen her since my anatomy scan at 20 weeks so it was nice to finally see her again and to be able to discuss when baby Ryan will make his arrival. The good news is that the latest she'll deliver me is 38 weeks, which is April 15! She had originally said 39 weeks due to the hospital policy but she's concerned about the strength of my csection scar after having 2 csections in the past 2 years. We won't know a firm date until I hit 35 weeks when I have another scan with the peri to determine if we need to deliver earlier than 38 weeks if my scar is looking thin or weak.
While this is exciting, it made me realize we haven't done anything for this baby. Our to-do list:
1. Paint TJ's new room
2. Put together TJ's toddler bed
3. I need to make valences for TJ's room, the office, and the master bathroom
4. Clean out TJ's new closet and move his clothes from the nursery to that closet
5. Figure out when we'll move TJ into a toddler bed. This decision would be a lot easier if the kid wasn't crazy.
6. Sort through TJ's baby clothes to see what clothes Ryan will be able to use
7. Sort through clothes I got from my brother and sister-in-law and figure out which ones Ryan will be able to use
8. Interview nanny who we will use 2 days a week starting in July
9. Figure out maternity leave. I always seem to leave work during projects where I have a lead role.
10. Order our new double stroller
11. Buy a mattress for TJ's new bed
12. Survive Chris's last 2 out of town trips before baby comes
13. Complete the website for the non profit that we're launching in April
Now if only I had ANY motivation once the weekends rolled around, that'd be great.
Since the last time I updated almost 10 weeks ago, we celebrated TJ's first birthday. After losing Nathan, never did I ever think that we'd have an opportunity to celebrate a first birthday. It was very bittersweet, especially with the constant reminder that we never got to celebrate for Nathan's first birthday while he was here. We took down Nathan's Christmas decorations a couple of weeks ago at his grave and decorated for Valentine's Day. We went and saw him on Valentine's Day and saw the signs reminding people that all decorations will be thrown away on March 2-3. As much as I like spring, summer, and fall, I hate how many decorations of Nathan's get thrown away each year. In just two weeks, it'll be back to decorating every Thursday and removing every Tuesday to avoid grass cutting day on Wednesday.
I'll continue to update regularly now since my anxiety is starting to creep up. It's good for me to get things out.
Also, keep our friend's son in your prayers while he continues to fight to recover from transverse myelitis!
Stillborn, Still Nathan
After almost 2 years trying to conceive our first child, we had success with IVF. At 38 weeks, we lost our son, Nathan, due to his umbilical cord being wrapped around his neck twice. This blog is about trying to survive the passing of our child, while moving forward with fertility treatments to continue to expand our family.
Hands
Wednesday, February 17, 2016
Friday, December 18, 2015
21 Weeks
Looking at blog posts from TJ's pregnancy, I started my weekly pregnancy posts at 4 weeks pregnant. That's crazy. I don't think I'll have the time to post all the time this pregnancy like I did last pregnancy between being crazy busy at work and hanging with TJ, but I'll update when I can.
I spent last weekend with my best friends in Nashville celebrating one of them getting married. I had so much fun. What a great city and it finally felt like we had time to just hang out and talk and be stuck in the car with each other for 4 hours each way. It would have been fun to experience if I could have drank as well, but there's always next time. Even sober, there's nothing better than live country music in a bar and the food was all fantastic.
We'll be traveling to Pittsburgh for Christmas this year. Luckily, we got our new car in time to haul all of the gifts, baby, and dog to and from comfortably without having to use a car top carrier. While we're in PA, we'll also be celebrating TJ's first birthday with Chris's family. How are we already to the point of celebrating his first birthday?! I swear it was just yesterday when I was changing both mine and his outfits multiple times a day due to pee, spitups, explosions, etc. More important than celebrating his birthday is that we'll get to see all of our PA friends and their kids that day.
As for this pregnancy, nothing exciting is happening, which is fantastic news! Baby was 13 oz. (measuring over a week ahead) at 19 weeks so I'm sure he's over 1 lb by now. Now that we know that everything is alright with him at this point in time, we'll start looking at things that we need to get ready before he arrives. We'll need a double stroller, car (already got that), and we'll be moving TJ to a big boy bed down the hall from the nursery. I'm still looking for a bedding set that will work with how I want to decorate his room.
We decorated Nathan's grave for Christmas. It never gets easier leaving the cemetery after visiting. With Christmas next week, we talk often about how things would be different if he was here. I truly believe that he is thoroughly enjoying himself in Heaven and is just as anxious to see us as we are him. Another year getting to celebrate Jesus's birthday with Jesus himself. Sounds pretty good to me. Merry Christmas, everyone!
I spent last weekend with my best friends in Nashville celebrating one of them getting married. I had so much fun. What a great city and it finally felt like we had time to just hang out and talk and be stuck in the car with each other for 4 hours each way. It would have been fun to experience if I could have drank as well, but there's always next time. Even sober, there's nothing better than live country music in a bar and the food was all fantastic.
We'll be traveling to Pittsburgh for Christmas this year. Luckily, we got our new car in time to haul all of the gifts, baby, and dog to and from comfortably without having to use a car top carrier. While we're in PA, we'll also be celebrating TJ's first birthday with Chris's family. How are we already to the point of celebrating his first birthday?! I swear it was just yesterday when I was changing both mine and his outfits multiple times a day due to pee, spitups, explosions, etc. More important than celebrating his birthday is that we'll get to see all of our PA friends and their kids that day.
As for this pregnancy, nothing exciting is happening, which is fantastic news! Baby was 13 oz. (measuring over a week ahead) at 19 weeks so I'm sure he's over 1 lb by now. Now that we know that everything is alright with him at this point in time, we'll start looking at things that we need to get ready before he arrives. We'll need a double stroller, car (already got that), and we'll be moving TJ to a big boy bed down the hall from the nursery. I'm still looking for a bedding set that will work with how I want to decorate his room.
We decorated Nathan's grave for Christmas. It never gets easier leaving the cemetery after visiting. With Christmas next week, we talk often about how things would be different if he was here. I truly believe that he is thoroughly enjoying himself in Heaven and is just as anxious to see us as we are him. Another year getting to celebrate Jesus's birthday with Jesus himself. Sounds pretty good to me. Merry Christmas, everyone!
Monday, December 7, 2015
It's Been A While
Wow, I haven't posted on here since September 10. It's been 3 months and so much craziness has gone on in our lives. I'll start from the top:
1. Nathan turned 2 on October 10. We celebrated by visiting the cemetery and going to a family party. As usual, we had a birthday cake to remember our sweet boy. It still baffles me how we've made it through the past 2 years without Nathan, and I know we've been busy, but we always feel Nathan's presence with us. I'm sure he celebrated in Heaven with Stella, Bastian, and our family and friends who are already up there.
2. I sat for my Professional Engineering exam on October 30. From August 15 up until October 30, I spent all of my free time and all of my busy time studying for this exam. The pass rate is right around 50%, which isn't great, so we'll see how that goes. Some parts of the exam were easier than I expected, some harder. It's really a crapshoot. Fingers crossed that I don't have to sit for it again. Also, thanks to Chris for really helping out those months and being a single dad as I studied. I couldn't have done it without him. I'm excited to be back to spending my free time with both Chris and TJ.
3. TJ's big. TJ will be 11 months this month. This past year has flown by. At his 9 month appointment, he was 23 lbs. He is working on his 5th and 6th tooth this week (why do they always come in pairs?). He sleeps 12 hours a night so Chris and I can't complain at all. We love watching TJ learn the world around him and he's getting quite the personality. His tantrums rival mine from when I was little so I'm afraid of what's to come in the next couple of years. :)
4. Chris and I went in on August 17 to get set up for our next round of IVF (sigh). Well, it turns out I was already pregnant at that point! How the hell did that happen? I'm not quite sure if Nathan played a part in it or what, but I seriously cannot express how happy I was to possibly avoid another round of IVF. Not to mention, this pregnancy, due to the lack of medications I'm on, has been a breeze thus far. Knock on wood. Also, we had our Level II Anatomy scan this morning and we are expecting our THIRD son! Whoa! I imagine that life with two boys who are that close together will be a lot of fun, if only Nathan could be here as well. This baby will be named Ryan Donald (Donald after my grandpa who passed away 3 years ago and meant the world to me and all of my cousins). We can't wait for baby Ryan to join us in April!
As exciting as it was to conceive without help, I still feel attached to the infertility world. It's weird and I'm not sure if it's because I have friends going through it right now, but I am eternally grateful for where Chris and I are today. After being told that having our own children would be close to impossible, to have 3 sons is a dream come true and I will always continue to pray for those on that familiar journey.
1. Nathan turned 2 on October 10. We celebrated by visiting the cemetery and going to a family party. As usual, we had a birthday cake to remember our sweet boy. It still baffles me how we've made it through the past 2 years without Nathan, and I know we've been busy, but we always feel Nathan's presence with us. I'm sure he celebrated in Heaven with Stella, Bastian, and our family and friends who are already up there.
2. I sat for my Professional Engineering exam on October 30. From August 15 up until October 30, I spent all of my free time and all of my busy time studying for this exam. The pass rate is right around 50%, which isn't great, so we'll see how that goes. Some parts of the exam were easier than I expected, some harder. It's really a crapshoot. Fingers crossed that I don't have to sit for it again. Also, thanks to Chris for really helping out those months and being a single dad as I studied. I couldn't have done it without him. I'm excited to be back to spending my free time with both Chris and TJ.
3. TJ's big. TJ will be 11 months this month. This past year has flown by. At his 9 month appointment, he was 23 lbs. He is working on his 5th and 6th tooth this week (why do they always come in pairs?). He sleeps 12 hours a night so Chris and I can't complain at all. We love watching TJ learn the world around him and he's getting quite the personality. His tantrums rival mine from when I was little so I'm afraid of what's to come in the next couple of years. :)
4. Chris and I went in on August 17 to get set up for our next round of IVF (sigh). Well, it turns out I was already pregnant at that point! How the hell did that happen? I'm not quite sure if Nathan played a part in it or what, but I seriously cannot express how happy I was to possibly avoid another round of IVF. Not to mention, this pregnancy, due to the lack of medications I'm on, has been a breeze thus far. Knock on wood. Also, we had our Level II Anatomy scan this morning and we are expecting our THIRD son! Whoa! I imagine that life with two boys who are that close together will be a lot of fun, if only Nathan could be here as well. This baby will be named Ryan Donald (Donald after my grandpa who passed away 3 years ago and meant the world to me and all of my cousins). We can't wait for baby Ryan to join us in April!
As exciting as it was to conceive without help, I still feel attached to the infertility world. It's weird and I'm not sure if it's because I have friends going through it right now, but I am eternally grateful for where Chris and I are today. After being told that having our own children would be close to impossible, to have 3 sons is a dream come true and I will always continue to pray for those on that familiar journey.
Thursday, September 10, 2015
Wednesday, August 19, 2015
Monday, August 3, 2015
TJ's 6 Month Pictures
We had our first family pictures taken since T.J. was born back in January. We used Loft 3 Photography, who also happens to be a good family friend. Mel nailed it on these pictures and we couldn't be happier! Enjoy. :)
http://www.loft3photography.com/blog/?p=21677
http://www.loft3photography.com/blog/?p=21677
Tuesday, July 21, 2015
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