Prayers Please!

We have our egg retrieval tomorrow morning.  Pray for: 1) good eggs 2) good fertilization 3) strong embryos!

Mother's Day

7 months

Baby Nate,

Today makes it 7 months since you've been here with us. 7 months without you down, an unknown number to go. Some of my friends from my October due date group are posting about their babies being mobile now, I would have loved to experience that with you. Someday, I guess. 

This weekend is also Mother's Day. Because of you, Nathan, I became a mother. It is the single most important thing that has happened to me in this life. I know it is overshadowed often by your death, but I hope you know I am so happy to be called your mom. I will ALWAYS be your mom, no matter what, and you will ALWAYS be my son. I'm thankful for the time I was able to carry you, the time when we would joke about how active of a child you would be because I always had an obvious foot or two pressing out near my ribs. You would respond to my pressing on your feet by pressing out even harder. I'm sure you would have been a stubborn child as well. I would do anything to deal with all of that now. 

Nathan, everything I do, I do for you. It's always been all for you and it will always be for you. Although I can't carry you in my arms anymore, I will ALWAYS carry you in my heart. Always.

Fly high, baby boy and I love you. Always.

IVF 2.2

I'm in the middle of my shots now and had a doctor's appointment yesterday.  Everything looked good so we'll have another appointment on Friday and then retrieval will be on Monday, most likely.  I haven't been updating much because the Lupron is making me extra tired this time so I just don't have the energy to update. Pray for us over the next couple of days for continued progress and a successful retrieval on Monday.

For a Friend...

It is 6 months today since a friend of mine lost her sweet baby girl in November and the quote below definitely made me think of days like today.

International Bereaved Mother's Day

Do you know why or how Mother's Day was first created?  It was first created by Anna Jarvis to honor her mother who experienced the death of 7 (yes, 7) of her children. Anna wanted a day that honored her mother for still getting up each day without those children and living each day. Now, Mother's Day is a commercialized day that honors mothers of living children.  I guess Hallmark had an easier time making cards focused on a mother whose children are still living, not mothers who must live the rest of their lives without their children. Naturally, I'm not looking forward to Mother's Day this year, or any year, without Nathan here.  There's just not much to celebrate. Facebook is the worst for these types of holidays, actually, any holidays. On Christmas, people make sure to show pictures of how many presents are underneath their trees for their kids, making it some sort of competition almost. The same is true for Easter and St. Nick's Day.  Pointless posts, in my opinion. On Mother's Day, mothers will post pictures of things their kids or husbands got them and say "I have the best husband and kids in the world", blah, blah, blah.  Posts like these make you sound like you're bragging as you post pictures of your diamonds, cards from your kids, etc. It's great, but most other people don't care. :)

To get back to the real meaning of Mother's Day, the Sunday before Mother's Day is dedicated and called International Bereaved Mother's Day.  Again, I don't think it's necessary for either of these days but it is what it is. There are no cards celebrating these days.  Stores don't have big sales dedicated to all of the Bereaved Mother's Day gift possibilities.  Instead, one group is trying to change Mother's Day back to what it should really mean. Expressing your love in a hand written letter and nothing more.  Keeping it simple, thanking them for what they do, and spending time with them.

http://carlymarieprojectheal.com/2012/05/international-bereaved-mothers-day.html

The link below explains how mothers of children in Heaven feel about the day.

http://allthatlovecando.blogspot.com/2014/04/honoring-babyloss-mother-in-your-life.html

A Miracle is Coming