It's Been A While

Wow, I haven't posted on here since September 10.  It's been 3 months and so much craziness has gone on in our lives.  I'll start from the top:

1. Nathan turned 2 on October 10.  We celebrated by visiting the cemetery and going to a family party.  As usual, we had a birthday cake to remember our sweet boy.  It still baffles me how we've made it through the past 2 years without Nathan, and I know we've been busy, but we always feel Nathan's presence with us.  I'm sure he celebrated in Heaven with Stella, Bastian, and our family and friends who are already up there.

2. I sat for my Professional Engineering exam on October 30.  From August 15 up until October 30, I spent all of my free time and all of my busy time studying for this exam.  The pass rate is right around 50%, which isn't great, so we'll see how that goes.  Some parts of the exam were easier than I expected, some harder.  It's really a crapshoot.  Fingers crossed that I don't have to sit for it again.  Also, thanks to Chris for really helping out those months and being a single dad as I studied.  I couldn't have done it without him.  I'm excited to be back to spending my free time with both Chris and TJ.

3. TJ's big.  TJ will be 11 months this month.  This past year has flown by.  At his 9 month appointment, he was 23 lbs.  He is working on his 5th and 6th tooth this week (why do they always come in pairs?). He sleeps 12 hours a night so Chris and I can't complain at all.  We love watching TJ learn the world around him and he's getting quite the personality.  His tantrums rival mine from when I was little so I'm afraid of what's to come in the next couple of years. :)

4. Chris and I went in on August 17 to get set up for our next round of IVF (sigh). Well, it turns out I was already pregnant at that point!  How the hell did that happen?  I'm not quite sure if Nathan played a part in it or what, but I seriously cannot express how happy I was to possibly avoid another round of IVF.  Not to mention, this pregnancy, due to the lack of medications I'm on, has been a breeze thus far. Knock on wood.  Also, we had our Level II Anatomy scan this morning and we are expecting our THIRD son! Whoa!  I imagine that life with two boys who are that close together will be a lot of fun, if only Nathan could be here as well.  This baby will be named Ryan Donald (Donald after my grandpa who passed away 3 years ago and meant the world to me and all of my cousins).  We can't wait for baby Ryan to join us in April!

As exciting as it was to conceive without help, I still feel attached to the infertility world.  It's weird and I'm not sure if it's because I have friends going through it right now, but I am eternally grateful for where Chris and I are today.  After being told that having our own children would be close to impossible, to have 3 sons is a dream come true and I will always continue to pray for those on that familiar journey.

23 Months

...craziness. We love and miss you, Nathan!

Trust

TJ's 6 Month Pictures

We had our first family pictures taken since T.J. was born back in January. We used Loft 3 Photography, who also happens to be a good family friend.  Mel nailed it on these pictures and we couldn't be happier!  Enjoy. :)

http://www.loft3photography.com/blog/?p=21677

T.J. 6 Month Stats

Weight: 19 lbs. 7 oz.
Head: 17.5"
Length 26.5"

What a big boy!

Busy Busy

Things have been so hectic and busy this summer and the rest of the summer will be pretty much be the same.  In the next 8 weeks, we have a friend's wedding here in Cincinnati, my sister-in-law's bridal shower and bachelorette party in Pittsburgh, a friend's bachelorette party in Chicago, a soccer tournament here in Cincinnati, a week long vacation in the Outer Banks with some friends, and then wedding festivities for my sister-in-law in Pittsburgh to round out those 8 weeks.  Throw in a lot of traveling for Chris for work and soccer practices starting up for me and there goes the rest of our summer.

One thing that has kept me motivated during this busy summer is working out freely again.  This is the first summer in 3 years in which I haven't been pregnant.  Since I stopped breastfeeding, I have lost the rest of the baby weight and I'm now even under my pre-IVF weight from almost 3 years ago.  I'm a few pounds shy of my wedding weight, but will try to stay slightly above it in preparation for our next round of IVF (whenever that may be).  I get up at 4:30am every Monday, Wednesday, and Friday and get my strength workouts in at a local bootcamp, which I absolutely love. I've met a lot of great ladies there and it's nice to be around others who work so hard to maintain their fitness.  On the other days, I either get up before work and run on the treadmill or stick T.J. in the BOB for a run at the park.

Speaking of T.J., he turns 6 months in 3 days!  Where has the time gone? I'll admit my emotions were all over the place, especially with his reflux, the first 8-10 weeks of his life, but I am enjoying EVERY second of time with him.  He is the nosiest, most stubborn, and most muscular little boy that I have met.  It's a battle to give him a bottle right now because he is always turning every which direction, trying to sit up while taking his bottle, and manhandling me.  My cousin, who watches him twice a week (and a bunch of other times as well - thanks, Katie!), had bruises from T.J.'s toes on her thighs one day from him jumping against her.  He's taken an interest in annoying Sidney lately and is always looking to grab whatever is in his reach.  I'll be interested to see how much he weighs at his 6 month appointment next week, but I weighed him about 5 weeks ago and he was over 18.5 lbs.  He wears some 9 month clothes and some 12 month stuff as well.  He is absolutely perfect to both Chris and I.  Did I mention he sleeps from 8-9 at night to 7 in the morning? I'm definitely thankful for that.

A Little Eerie to be Honest (21 months for Nathan)

Although we now have TJ here with us, I still feel the same as I did after losing Nathan:

- Hearing about people getting pregnant easily irritates me
- Hearing about successful births irritate me (how ugly is this feeling?  I hate it.)
- Hearing about minute pregnancy issues irritates me

I hate feeling this way, just like I did prior to having TJ.  Although these feelings have become easier to manage, they're still there, just not as prominent as before.

Lately, I've had the strong urge to have another baby right NOW. It's crazy, but with my problem that leads us to having to use IVF to get pregnant, time is not on our side. It's been weighing on my mind a lot lately, and I saw this blog post this morning that describes it PERFECTLY.  I felt like I was reading my diary as I read the post.  It sucks that she's in the same predicament as me, but it's comforting to know what I'm feeling is normal.

http://stillstandingmag.com/2015/07/just-want-secondary-infertility-stillbirth/

Happy 21 (say what?!) months to our baby boy in Heaven! We miss you and love you with everything we have. Continue to fly high.