6 Months

My little boy,

It’s hard for me to write this letter this month. I can hardly see through all the tears as I type this up. I know I say this every month, but seriously, half a year?  Half a year without you?  What in the world? For some reason, the 6 month mark is a lot tougher than the other months. Thoughts of what you would be doing now have been flooding my head due to the nice weather, all the strollers I see, and all of the neighbors’ kids out.  Those are the kids that you would be running around with in a couple of years. On our private drive alone, there were 2 other boys born in 2013 and then another little boy was born in 2013 whose house is cattycorner from ours. It will always be tough to see them all running around together when you should be out there with them.

Is Heaven everything that they tell us it is? Do you get to see all of our relatives and friends who have passed away as well? Do you get to interact with Jesus? I’m sure with Easter coming up that everybody is celebrating the resurrection of Jesus. We, too, will celebrate extra this year because it is with his selfless act that there is a forever after and that’s where we’ll see you again.

I had a dream this past month that I was able to save you.  Maybe that’s what bothers me right now is that I wasn’t able to save you. I’m sure there are people who think, “how could she let her baby die,” while in my belly but the truth is, if there was anything I could have done to save you, I would have done it a million times. If that meant switching places, I would have done that as well just so that you could have grown up with your dad. There’s the saying, “if love could have saved you, you would have lived forever,” and that’s the honest truth. I hope you know how much your dad and I love you and that you are single handedly the most important thing in our life still.  That will never change. Our love for you grows exponentially and that’s why it hurts so much not having you here with us.

Soar high, Nathan, and know that our love for you is endless.