5 Weeks 2 Days Pregnant

Since I may not have the opportunity to have too many posts with this pregnancy, I'm going to write everything down about it while I can.  So I decided that if it's in God's plan that I only carry this baby until 6, 7, 8, or 9 weeks, so be it.  I will carry this baby and give it every chance I can.  God must think I'm pretty good at carrying angels (which I'm not fond of) so if I must, I will continue.  So, until proven otherwise, I'm going to try to enjoy this pregnancy.  No more tests (the one this morning doesn't count), no more analyzing things online, and no more negative thoughts. 

Also, there is one good thing that will come out of this situation no matter what.  I am pregnant.  I am pregnant again after losing my baby boy, Nathan, just 4 months ago.  My body knows what to do.  If anything's wrong with this pregnancy, it's not my body.  My body is doing everything right.  It's the embryo's chromosomes and those are out of my hands completely.  I am ecstatic that I am still capable of getting pregnant.  Never in my wildest imagination did I think I would get pregnant on the first try with IVF after losing Nathan.  All is not lost.  Yeah, losing hair, gaining weight, and not having a life certainly sucks, but if I am able to bring home a baby (our own baby) in the next couple of years, this will all be worth it.  If this one doesn't work out, I'll have another angel waiting for me in Heaven.

I had some pretty interesting pains during the middle of the night in my groin.  Of course, my mind jumped immediately to ectopic.  So I looked up the possibility of that happening during an IVF cycle and it's between 0.5% and 3%.  Sounds about right.  I am pretty damn good at hitting those kind of odds right now.  My sister assured me it was just ligaments stretching and I know she's right.  I remember it from my pregnancy with Nathan.  It is just happening earlier this time since I've been pregnant before.

15 days until D-day. 

Praying for a miracle. 

Praying for strength. 

Praying for peace.

I had another encounter with a ladybug the other night.  It was the night before our second beta.  I found the ladybug swimming in one of our toilets.  I think Nathan got lost this time around. ;)

I love you, Nate.