I have another beta on Wednesday to determine if it will go up or down. There's a super slim chance that this pregnancy could be viable but more than likely, it will result in a miscarriage. At this point, if it's going to result in a miscarriage, we would want the levels to decrease on their own and soon. There would be nothing worse than having my levels continue to rise only to find out it's a blighted ovum or ectopic.
I'm not going to lie. I'm pretty depressed. I'm starting to question whether I'll ever have a child here on earth with me. I've gotten pregnant three times using IVF and I don't have any babies here to show for it. Really depressing. I also don't know how many times I can put myself through IVF. It's hard on me both physically and emotionally. Really hard. I can't run, I have to eat gluten free and sugar free, my hair falls out from the hormones (I swear I'm 80 years old), and I have all the other side effects from all of the hormones. Did I mention how depressing this all is? At what point do I give up trying for my own children and look into adoption? I think it would be a lot easier to adopt if we didn't meet Nathan.
I wish Nathan was here. We wouldn't be dealing with this right now.
I love you, buddy. What I wouldn't give to be with you in Heaven right now.
Prayers!!!
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