Tis the Season

So, I survived Thanksgiving.  I only had to sneak away 2 times to compose myself.  It was on Thanksgiving last year when we started the shots for our IVF, which in turn created our strong embryo (Nathan).  What a year it's been.  A year that started out with so much promise has quickly gone downhill since October 10.  When we returned home from my parents on Thursday, we were sadly welcomed by a very sick dog.  He had gotten sick in EVERY room in our house and this is no exaggeration.  Chris and I spent a good hour or so cleaning everything up and then Chris called our vet and then was on his way to the 24 hour animal hospital with Sidney at 1 am.  Chris got home after 4 am and Sidney was admitted to the hospital for dehydration, vomiting, and evidence of bloody diarrhea (yuck).  He had to stay there 2 nights and we picked him up this morning.  He's still not eating much and I'm sure he has lost at least 10 lbs.  Poor guy.  We are praying that he returns to good health soon.  I need to remind myself that I can't make the statement, "things can't get any worse", because every time I say that, it does get worse.

Since the animal hospital is right down the street from the mall, Chris and I made an attempt to shop last night on Black Friday.  I was good for about 30 minutes and that's when my anxiety started picking up.  There were so many strollers and so many families that looked happy.  I wish we could have that happiness.  Walking past the stores that had the baby outfits for Christmas in the window was also a downer.  I was looking forward to our first Christmas with Nathan.  I wanted to pick out his outfits and be able to take his picture with his cousins, grandparents, aunts and uncles.   What actually made me start crying at the mall was seeing a little boy (probably about 1 years old) getting his picture on Santa's lap.  I hadn't thought about that at all.  We'll never get to experience that with Nathan.  I am confident that he is sitting on Jesus's lap, but unfortunately, we are alone down here.  I am counting down the days until 2014 arrives.

I return to my job on Monday.  I have mixed emotions about this.  As the date gets closer and closer, I can't help but feel nervous.  I know I'll be happy to be back once I get there but it's the anticipation that's nerve-racking.  I hope that the days go quick and helps pass the time until we can start our IVF process again.  Just an update on that, I have started taking the recommended vitamins (about 5 a day), exercising frequently, and eating healthy to give myself the best opportunity when the egg retrieval and embryo transfer happens.  On January 1, I will go gluten and sugar free again as well as avoid alcohol.  I'm not sure what impact that had on our successful IVF, but since it worked then, I'm sticking with it.  We are looking at starting the birth control on my January cycle, then ramping up the shots in February, with an embryo transfer happening around March 1.  3 months from tomorrow.  THREE. SHORT. MONTHS. Right?

Nathan,
I'll love you forever,
I'll like you for always,
As long as I'm living
my baby you'll be.