22 Weeks Pregnant

15 weeks left.
105 days left.

Over the past week, I've gone from the mindset that I wasn't going to do anything for this baby until they arrive to I'm going to do everything for this baby because this baby is coming home with us.  First on my list was emptying the bag from when we were in the hospital with Nathan.  Since Now I  Lay Me Down to Sleep was coming to take pictures, we had all of Nathan's onesies brought up so we could decide what to dress him in.  I went through the bag over the weekend and hung up all of his leftover onesies because now his baby brother will have the opportunity to wear them.  My mom and I also picked up a couple of sleepers and outfits over the weekend.  It's different with this pregnancy since we know the sex and can definitely get clothes ahead of time.

We had family from Pittsburgh in town over the weekend and it was good to hang out with them.  We went to a pumpkin patch (nieces are 5 and 2) and then we went to the Oktoberfest festival that's held up at our church and the girls were able to ride the rides.  The only downfall of the weekend is that since I was outside so much between those activities and coaching, is that my allergies are terrible.  It doesn't help that the temperature one day is 85 then 65 the next.  No bueno.

I feel like this baby has definitely grown over the past week or so.  Some of my tshirts that I wear to coach in are getting rather tight and should be interesting looking by the end of the season!  Let's hope that they will work for the remaining 4 weeks or so.

Nathan's birthday is 10 days away.  Chris and I both took vacation days for that Friday and plan to do some things, including a picnic up at the cemetery.  What a depressing way to spend a first birthday.  We're also ordering a cake and doing dinner.  It's important to us that we still celebrate his birthday, not only for Chris and I, but for his future siblings.  I've had some interesting dreams and nights lately.  I just have to remind myself that his birthday in Heaven is going to be a whole heck of lot better than it would be down here anyways.

Here's to the next 10 days being gentle on both Chris and I and the next 105 days flying by.

21 Weeks Pregnant

16 weeks until we meet this baby
112 days until we meet this baby

I had my normal biweekly appointment today with my doctor.  As of last week, I had lost a pound and this week, I weigh the same as last week.  In summary, the high protein, very low carb diet is working, I guess.  I have gained 9 lbs as of 21 weeks.  The peri's goal for me for this pregnancy is 20 lbs, so I have 19 weeks to only gain 11 lbs.  It will be a miracle if I hit that.  Remember, Nathan was just over 8 lbs at 38 weeks and that was when I had gained 30 lbs total.  This baby is measuring the same size as Nathan, which makes him 1 lb or over right now already.  If he were to gain 6 more pounds by the time I deliver at 37 weeks, that leaves only 5 other pounds to be gained.  If trying to stay near 20 lbs is my biggest issue this pregnancy, I'll happily take it.  Plus, it would be that much easier to lose the weight after this little one is born.

Other than that, no other updates. My stomach is measuring fine and the next thing up is my monthly ultrasound and appointment on October 9.  That date isn't sitting well with me since our last ultrasound with Nathan where he was happily bouncing around was last year on October 8.  With all of the bad news we received last year around that week, I'd rather not have an ultrasound that week, but it's a must.  Prayers that all goes smoothly for Chris and I that week and that this October turns out to be much better than last.

Speaking of October, today is the first day of fall.  With the fall comes the daily reminder that this is the season in which we lost Nathan last year.  Yes, I absolutely love fall but last year's fall just kind of ruined everything.  I'm hoping I can get past these feelings some day and be able to truly enjoy fall once again.

And it feels like the end has started closing in on you
But it’s just not true
There’s so much of the story that’s still yet to unfold

And this is going to be a glorious unfolding
Just you wait and see and you will be amazed
You’ve just got to believe the story is so far from over

20 Weeks Pregnant

17 weeks from today, we'll meet this baby.

119 days from today, we'll meet this baby.

Those are the words I keep speaking each day.  We will meet this baby boy on January 13 and that is the day when our hope is renewed.  

There's nothing really new this week, except I am starting to feel this baby daily, which makes me happy.  Work is great, coaching 7 year old girls in soccer is both frustrating and fun, and Chris and I are finally doing some of the projects around the house that were put on hold when we were busy paying for 4 rounds of IVF.  We met with the guy who will be building our deck on Sunday morning and hopefully that is finished in the next 3 weeks or so.  One of the trees we planted after Nathan died also died so that's being replaced.  We told our landscaper a couple of months ago that the tree was dying, but she didn't seem to think so, but it did.  We also finally picked out some artwork for above our family room couch.  It took us close to 4 years to figure out what we wanted and what size would be necessary since our couch is long and our wall is even longer.  Like I said, not much going on with us this week.

The only baby items I have purchased are 2 winter hats.  Since this baby will be born in the middle of winter, it was important to me that I got them something that they would be able to wear home from the hospital and for the couple of times we'll leave the house during the winter.  I talked with a Viacord representative regarding our unused cord blood kit that we were supposed to use when Nathan was born.  Since we didn't use it, it's been sitting in our den, unopened for the past 12 months.  They were very understanding about what happened and were happy to help update all of our information so we could use the same kit.

I have already started with my biweekly appointments so I'll be able to update more after our 21 week appointment next Tuesday.

We're looking forward to having friends in town this weekend, enjoying a golf outing, and of course, partaking in Oktoberfest downtown.  For those of you who don't know, Cincinnati has the second biggest Oktoberfest celebration in the WORLD, behind Munich of course!

19 Weeks Pregnant, 11 Months for Nate

It's been a busy day for us today.  It is 11 months today since we lost and delivered Nathan.  11 months today when our world changed forever.  11 months ago today, I didn't have the same worries and fears that eat away at me that I do today.  You always have crazy dreams when you're pregnant but the dreams that I had with Nathan don't come close to the level of creepiness or scariness that the dreams I have daily right now.  I wake up each morning thankful that it was just a dream and not our current reality.  11 months ago today started the loneliest journey of our lives.  We are different people than we were 11 months ago, for better and for worse.

11 months ago today, I never imagined anybody, especially close friends, having to go through an experience similar to ours and yet, that's exactly what we're dealing with this week.  One of my close friends lost her 3.5 week old son this past Sunday, due to pertussis.  He fought it hard, but in the end, his little heart was just working too hard.  To know that someone else has to go through the pain that Chris and I went through kills me.  And unlike Chris and I, who really just collapsed upon ourselves when everything happened last October, they are unable to collapse.  See, this little boy has a twin sister.  Thankfully, she is doing good.  It'll be a long road for them, but like us, they will survive.  I remember the roller coaster of emotions I felt for the first 3 or so months after losing Nathan and it kills me that this is what they will be going through soon.  This little boy will be buried right to the right of Nathan and they will be able to play each and every day up in Heaven.  Again, it's times like these when you start to question God's plan, but we must remember that this is part of his plan and the end result will be beyond gratifying.   Keep our friends in your prayers, especially this Friday when they lay their sweet, baby boy to rest.  

Nathan, you have big responsibilities at just 11 months old in Heaven.  You must show Bastian how it's done up there and help him look over his family.

In other news, we had our Level 2 ultrasound today for our anatomy scan.  It was at a peri's office up at the hospital.  I was terrified.  Honestly, this morning I felt like I was just waiting for the other shoe to drop.  Besides this little boy being uncooperative, the scan went fantastic.  The doctor said everything looks perfect and he said the chances of anything happening again is so small.  He then laughed and said we're probably sick of hearing about statistics since we happened to fall on the bad end of them last time.  He only wants me to gain 20 lbs this pregnancy, which is going to be damn near impossible.  I gained 30 with Nathan, in which I was working out daily.  He wants 2/3 of my daily calories to be protein and the rest to be fat sprinkled with some carbs.  4 months of watching what I eat.  I didn't really understand his reasoning since I didn't have gestational diabetes with Nathan, I didn't gain too much weight, he said Nathan was a healthy weight, and he understands that I have a muscular build.  We'll see how this goes.  It's going to be hard, especially since Chris travels so much for work and he's the one who does the cooking.

I can't describe how thankful I am that this baby boy looks so good and I pray that it continues that way.  I am hoping that his big brother is keeping a close eye on everything and that we get to meet our rainbow come January 13.

18 Weeks Pregnant

19 weeks to go.
133 days to go.

I was really happy to see the weeks be down into the teens this week.  For some reason, teens sounds more doable at this point than any number in the 20s.

Nothing new to report, except that this baby must be going through a growth spurt, because I am exhausted.  I received a phone call from my doctor this morning letting me know that all of the other tests she ran last week came back negative, and my issue has stopped after a week on antibiotics (knock on wood).  Next thing up is our Level 2 Ultrasound which is next Wednesday and I am super anxious about that.  I just pray that this baby is healthy and that the placenta is still far away from my c-section scar.