35 Weeks Pregnant

14 days left
2 weeks left.

HOW IN THE HELL AM I GOING TO MAKE IT?

I'm losing it and I'm starting to make Chris lose it, too.  I think it's getting worse, too, if that's even possible.  I need a constant non stress test to make me feel reassured, not one once a week for 20 minutes.  I need daily ultrasounds.  I need to be admitted into a psych unit soon.  I need the next 14 days to pass quickly.  I need this baby to reassure me with CONSTANT movement (poor guy).

Positive affirmation for the next two weeks:

All is well.
Everything is working out.
Out of this situation only good will come.
He is safe.

NST #3 and BPP #4

I had my third non stress test on Friday and baby passed with no issues.  This morning, we had our fourth biophysical profile ultrasound and everything was good with that as well.  Baby's fluid is still normal, breathing is normal, and movement is very normal.  So I'm glad that these appointments keep going well.

In other news, it's time for me to be put in a nut house for the next 2 weeks.  I am questioning EVERYTHING right now.  Yesterday, I didn't feel him move as much so I FREAKED.  It was to the point where I wouldn't talk to Chris, I was severely unhappy, and I just couldn't stop thinking about it.  It consumed my thoughts for the ENTIRE day.  I believe baby's feet were over his head as opposed to in my ribs, therefore I wasn't feeling the normal movements that I usually feel.  This morning is back to normal. After this morning's ultrasound, I swore to Chris that I saw the cord around the neck.  Looking back at the pictures that we got, I realized I didn't see anything.  God help me get through the next 2 weeks.

34 Weeks Pregnant (+ 1 Day)

20 days left.
3 weeks left.

Things are going well, aside from the occasional discomfort from my sciatica.  If that's my only complaint during the next three weeks, then I think we are good.  Chris and I have been enjoying this week with my family, which will help pass the days and keep my anxiety to a minimum.  We are extremely happy to be spending the time with family, but of course, we'll be missing Nathan.  We know that of all days to be a resident of Heaven, Christmas is one of the best and joyous so we are comforted by that.  We are also one holiday closer to being with him forever.

I hope everybody has a blessed Christmas and enjoys their time with family members that are here.

Merry Christmas, Nathan.  Another year celebrating Jesus' birthday with him, how lucky you are...

BPP #3

This baby continues to ace his tests each week.  His practice breathing was good, his fluid was at 19 cm, which is still good, and his movement is evident on the ultrasounds.  We even got to see him in 3D this week because he didn't have his hands and feet in front of his face for a split second.  It amazes me how much this 3D picture looks like Nathan's from about the same time. 22 more days!

NST #2

... and baby passed again.  They did pick up a couple of contractions on the monitor, which I didn't feel, so they did an internal just to make sure nothing was going on.  I'm not dilated and absolutely nothing's going on so we're good.  My doctor is still confident that we'll be delivering this baby at 37 weeks.  She described him as a "very happy baby" today, referring to all of his movement.  I'm glad he's having a good time!

Christmas Without You

33 Weeks Pregnant

4 weeks left.
28 days left.

My weeks are mixing together and I almost forgot that today I was 33 weeks.  I guess I'm that busy.  I have nothing new to report.  At this point, I'm living from kick to kick of this baby and am counting down the hours until he's here, safely.  I washed all of the bottles and the breast pump parts this weekend, since they've been sitting for over a year collecting dust.  I'm glad to have that over and I'm glad that my hand was the only body part that received burns in the process.  Chris returns from his last business trip tonight and I'm thrilled he's done traveling until after this babe arrives.

I saw this article this morning and it describes what I live for perfectly.

http://stillstandingmag.com/2014/12/holding-onto-heaven/?utm_source=feedblitz&utm_medium=FeedBlitzRss&utm_campaign=stillstandingmagazine

Did I mention I don't sleep much at night? I'm exhausted by midday now, which is why these updates are short and to the point.

BPP #2

...and baby is 2/2.  Aside from being in a position that made it hard for the tech to get the measurements she needed, all is well.  Baby is now 5 lbs, measuring a week to 2 weeks ahead, and is in the 67th percentile.  He's practicing breathing, still moving around plenty, and his fluid is at 15, which is right in the middle of the range they look for.  I'm happy he's doing well and pray that he continues to grow at a decent rate so that he's a good size at 37 weeks!

29 days left, no biggie. ;)

NST #1

I had my first non stress test this morning for this babe. All was well and he even earned the nickname "wild child" by the staff.  So, as of right now, he's 2/2 on his tests and we're praying he remains perfect.  The only part of the appointment that was not enjoyable was when they brought me into the room where the test would be done.  It was the same room where they could not detect Nathan's heartbeat.  It was uncomfortable at first but as soon as they put the monitor on this babe and I could hear his little heartbeat thumping away, it made it bearable.  I'm sure I'll be nervous at every appointment that we have in that room until they put the monitor on my belly.  Overall, a good appointment and only 33 days left!

32 Weeks Pregnant

5 weeks left until we meet this babe.
35 days left.

 I cannot believe that there are only 35 days left.  I feel like I've been pregnant since losing Nathan so having only 35 days left is a relief.  I just pray that we continue to have no issues and that we really do get to bring home this little boy.  I finally cleaned out his walk-in closet this weekend, which was just filled with SO much stuff.  It is now organized and ready to go.  I'll wash his clothes the week or so before he arrives.  Everything else is still washed and ready from 14 months ago so we don't have much else to do.  We hadn't finalized our monitors when everything happened with Nathan so we finally ordered a video monitor and movement monitor this past weekend.  We still have an audio monitor that we received last pregnancy.  We're ALWAYS going to know what's going on with this baby when he's napping or sleeping.

My sciatica is feeling better thanks to a heating blanket in my chair (thanks, Mel!) and taking it easy after work.  It's really hard to describe the pain, except that it's all on my right side of my body and I feel like I'm 95 years old when I'm walking by the end of the day.  In no way is this a complaint, just an observation.

I just saw this article posted on Cincinnati.com this morning regarding the flu for this upcoming winter and limiting hospital visitors/house visitors.

http://www.cincinnati.com/story/news/2014/12/09/local-hospitals-keep-germs-home-please/20135521/

Please understand that we expect all visitors to have flu shots and Tdap shots.  Also, if you have a runny nose or a cough of any sort, just maybe wait a couple of days before visiting.  Of course, we are looking forward to visitors at any time, we just don't want to have any more worry than we already will have when he's a newborn in winter. :)

Also, it'll be 14 months tomorrow since we lost Nathan.  How can it possibly have been that long already?  Miss you, buddy.

BPP #1

We had our first weekly ultrasound this morning to check for movement/flexing, practicing breathing, and fluid levels.  I'm happy to say baby passed and then some.  It took her a while to get the measurements for the growth portion because he wouldn't sit still and he also had the hiccups.  He's measuring a week ahead at 4.5 lbs.  They like to see fluid levels between 5-25 and his was 13 so that was good.  I go in on Thursday for a regular appointment and my first non-stress test.  Hopefully that goes well!  36 days.  I was happy to see that this baby has a lot of hair.  I would have expected nothing less!

31 Weeks Pregnant

6 weeks to go.
42 days to go.

And I'm super stressed at work.  I have two projects that need to go out by the 19th so things are a bit hectic, to say the least.

We had a good visit with Chris's family in Pittsburgh for Thanksgiving.  I was thankful for the break, but am ready to get through these last couple of weeks of this pregnancy.  The car ride home on Sunday has taken its toll on my body and my hips and back are paying for it now.  For that reason alone, I'm glad all of our decorations are up for Christmas already.

In other news, our end tables arrive today.  I am probably more excited about this than I should be, but I've been waiting for them for a month to arrive.  Who would have thought that I would have been excited about getting end tables for my birthday?  Speaking of which, my birthday is Thursday and I will be turning 29.  I was just 26 when I was diagnosed with my infertility.  I've since gone through 4 IVFs and will have 2 sons.  I've since lost my oldest son.  I've since lost 2 grandparents and 1 uncle.  I've since lost my family's first dog, Tammy.  I've since had a friend lose her son.  I've since had a miscarriage.  To describe the last 3 years as crappy is an understatement.  They haven't been all bad, though.  I've gotten pregnant 3 times, when doctors first told me I couldn't have kids with my own eggs.  I have a son up in Heaven who has made my fear of death completely disappear.  I have a son, who will arrive in 6 weeks, who gives his dad and I so much hope for our future with him.  The past couple of years have been challenging, but they have given me a new appreciation for life and understanding of God's plan for us.  Unfortunately, I think that through our experiences, Chris and I have a better relationship with each other and that we'll truly value our relationship with our children, no matter how many we end up having.  And yes, we'll probably be a little overprotective, but can you blame us?