You would be 2 months old day. I can't believe it's already 2 months. I can't believe I've survived 2 months without you. It feels like it was just yesterday when our world came crashing down but at the same time, it feels like it happened an eternity ago. If you were here, I'd still be at home with you but instead, I'm back at work trying to figure out how to live without half of my heart.
Christmas is coming up and it hurts so deeply that your dad and I can't celebrate it with you, our son. Some days when I see all of the Christmas decorations or families laughing, I feel like I'm suffocating. Don't worry, we didn't forget you. We hung your stocking and all of your ornaments are on the tree. We replaced our stocking holders with ones that are different parts of a train, something that will remind us of you every Christmas. What's the Christmas season like up in Heaven? I'm sure it's perfect, just like it always is. I'm sorry we can't give you any gifts or good morning kisses on Christmas day, but I bet your Grandpa Tom will make sure you get some. I'll give you a million kisses when I see you, though.
I think you're starting to make your presence known around here. I swear I felt something brush against my leg in our office the other day. Was that you? Were you the reason there was a white feather on the couch? I like to believe that it's all because of you.
This month, instead of going to Christmas parties with you, your dad and I are left with the deepest sadness. We remain grateful for our 38 weeks with you and we remain hopeful that we will get to be with you again someday. It will be you who greets us at the gates of Heaven and it will be you who we run to first. Nate, we couldn't be more proud to be your parents and if we had to do it all again just to hold you in our arms for 3 days, we would. We love you, buddy.
If love could have saved you, you would have lived forever.
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