We Survived

Well we did it.  We survived Christmas.  It wasn't easy, there were lots of tears, but we're still here to talk about it so I consider that a win. 

We spent Christmas with Chris's family and it was very nice.  It's always good to see his family since we live 5 hours away.  Nathan was included in Christmas and even had his stocking full which made my heart want to burst.  Both of our families included Nathan which means so much to us.  We also received some Christmas cards from some of our friends that included Nathan which meant a lot to us as well.  He is our son after all.  Sometimes I do think that people forget that Chris is a father and I am a mother.  Hell, we have the hardest jobs as parents at this point.  Those sleepless nights and unruly kids are nothing compared to what we have to live with as parents each day. 

Next worry or day I'm not looking forward to is January 1, 2014.  One of my friends that I met through one of my support websites put it best.  She said that it feels like a year was stolen from them.  That it will feel like 2013 didn't even happen.  She and I both got pregnant at the beginning of 2013, had our babies grow inside of us, and then we both delivered our children without a heartbeat when they were full term.  This is so true.  Our whole 2013 revolved around Nathan and now it will be gone.  This is really hard for me to stomach.  I know that Nathan will always be with us, but 2013 was his year.  I had an interesting night thinking about this last night and let's just say that sleep did not come easy.

So, January 1 is also officially our start date for our IVF cycle.  I will be on birth control for ovary suppression from January 1- January 21.  On January 25, I start my shots.  I will be doing 20 units of Lupron in the morning and at night and also 4 vials of Bravelle at night.  This will continue until the 28th. I go in on January 29 for my ultrasound and bloodwork and then they will determine if we can continue with the cycle or not. This is the same exact protocol I was on in November of 2012 that created our great embryos so hopefully the same happens this time.  If you're the praying type, please, please pray for us.  We would really benefit from some good news this month.