Nathan was here

Last year on this date, I had two embryos transferred for our first fresh cycle for IVF.  The result of that cycle was a chemical pregnancy.  Last year on this date, Nathan was a day 3 embryo and still growing strong.  We got the phone call on December 6 that they were able to freeze 2 of our embryos.  Those 2 embryos were transferred in early February and the one resulted in Nathan. :)  What a crazy, unbelievable year it's been.  I was laid off last January, but found my dream job and found out I was pregnant in February.  The next 38 weeks were the best weeks of my life.  Now, here we are a year later, in the exact same spot as we were last year.  Without a baby. :(

I still can't comprehend what happened or why it happened to us, but I am SO SO thankful for our perfect Nathan.  Since I can't create new memories with Nathan, I'm going to recount the ones I do have of him.

1. The picture of him as an embryo the day he was transferred into my uterus in February.
2. The positive pregnancy test on Feb. 13 (something I had never seen before)
3. Seeing his heartbeat for the first time at 7 weeks 1 day pregnant
4. Seeing his heartbeat for the second time and seeing him squirm around at 9 weeks 1 day pregnant
5. Our first appointment with our OB/GYN at 13 weeks
6. Seeing our perfectly created baby at our 20 week ultrasound on June 11 and not finding out the sex
7. Hanging out with one of my BFF at her baby shower, first time we both had good size bellies
8. Camping in the Smokies at 24 weeks pregnant.
9. Celebrating the 4th of July with my nephews, brother, and sister in law at 24 weeks pregnant.
10. Boating and camping at 29 weeks pregnant
11. Feeling his feet kick me in the ribs CONSTANTLY
12. My baby shower in PA on August 24
13. My baby shower in OH on September 15
14. Laying by Chris on the couch, Chris would press my belly, and Nathan would put on a show for his dad.  (this may be my favorite memory)
15. Finishing his nursery and having everything in place
16. Finding out he was a boy when he was delivered
17. Climbing to 11,000 ft in Lake Tahoe 4 weeks after my c-section with his halloween onesie that I sleep with.
18. The number of people that have been touched by our baby boy.  We knew he was special, we just didn't know HOW special.

Those are my memories.  How few there are.  I wish there were more and I'm sure over the next 10 months more memories will start to populate as the dates pass when I was actually pregnant.

Lord I trust you now
I know that You are good
And Jesus, I was wondering if you would,
Hug him once for me
Hold him up real close
Let him sit upon your knee
Tell him all the things we'd teach him about You
Whisper in his ear
One more simple truth
Tell him that You love him 
And that we love him too... ♥