You have officially been an angel for 3 months today. Seriously? How has it already been 3 months? How have your dad and I made it this long without you? I still find myself sitting alone sometimes wondering when I'll wake up from this nightmare. It has to be a nightmare. How can somebody have a perfect pregnancy with a perfect baby then lose them after 38 weeks? It baffles me. Instead of cuddling with you this evening, we'll get home from work, make dinner, watch tv to pass the time, walk past your empty room, and go to bed. Sigh.
How was Christmas in Heaven? I bet there are no words to describe it. You were definitely still included in Christmas down here by your family. It just wasn't the same without you here. Your cousins, aunts, uncles, and grandparents all talked about you and you were not forgotten. This made your dad and I very happy. One day we'll celebrate Christmas together and I'm sure it will be amazing.
With the start of the new year, it brought the start of our journey to give you a little brother or sister. If you are hanging out with them in Heaven, can you tell them we're ready to meet them? I can't wait for the day when we have your little brother or sister in our arms and we can see all of your features in them. Seeing their eyes will give us a glimpse into what your eyes were sure to have looked like. I also think that having your little brother or sister will make this journey called life a little easier for us without you. No, they will not replace you. If anything, it will make us feel closer to you. As the days pass, so do the amount of days since we've been able to hold you. I could have stayed in that hospital forever with you.
Continue to send your dad and I signs that you're alright. I can't remember seeing so many ladybugs before you left us. I read shortly after that ladybugs were a sign. The night that we received your angel for the top of our Christmas tree, a ladybug crawled across the tv in the family room. I'm sure that was you. What made me so sure about it was when that ladybug continued to crawl across the ceiling and stopped right above your angel on the tree. It stayed there the rest of the night. Thank you for that. I also saw a ladybug on Wednesday night after my support group. You always know when I need a sign.
I had a dream with Great Grandpa Don in it. He was sitting in his recliner that he used to always sit in. He told me that you were there with him and that you were safe. Never have I woken up crying, but that time I did. I hope you continue to be safe in the arms of your Grandpa Tom and Great Grandpa Don.
We love you to the moon and back, buddy.
Wowzas. I didn't know about the lady bug being a sign. I mean, all of nature is so easy for souls to sneak in and out of. So what I love about that? The whole time I sat through Levi's first funeral I was by the window. A lady bug kept banging into the stained glass wind is right next to me. I thought at first, that's strange to see a ladybug in the winter? Then I thought, maybe it's Levi or Ali saying hello! Right after that thought the bug walked right up to the edge of the window sill as if it was staring at me. 30sec later flew right past my eyes. I bet that was your Nathan (who I thought of repeatedly as I painfully stared at Levi's casket. It was Nathan saying, we got him. He's Home, He's safe. So glad I read this!!:-*
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