Gender Dilemma

I keep having an internal dilemma about whether or not we'll find out the gender of this baby. On one hand, it would give us something to do the last 17 weeks of the pregnancy as we prepare for the little boy or little girl.  On another hand, I'm terrified of how I'm going to react once I know the gender. I, of course, would love to have a little boy that reminded me of Nathan.  Along with that would come a constant reminder of what Nathan would have looked like or would be doing.  I would also love to have a little girl, but then I wouldn't have the reminders of what a little boy would look like in our family.  Since another child after this baby isn't guaranteed with our infertility, I'm really conflicted. I would almost rather wait until delivery to find out the gender because then I wouldn't have those thoughts in my head immediately because I would be so focused on having a breathing baby with us.  I follow this group on facebook called 'Pregnancy after Loss Support' and they actually have great articles and blogs from other women who have gone and experienced the same thing.  It makes me feel better that my feelings are 100% normal.  Here's a link to a story about a woman finding out the gender of her rainbow.

http://www.pregnancyafterlosssupport.com/wanting-a-girl-after-losing-a-boy/